Friday, May 6, 2011

Angst and love...

I've been listing things on Etsy for a little over a month now and I keep running into the same insecurities. I feel so ridiculously young. But, I'm not that young, I'm 25. I think part of it has to do with the majority of who is on Etsy, women past their 30s and I keep comparing myself to them. At least, that seems to be the majority of sellers who post in the forums, I could be wrong. I keep forum lurking to learn how to market, take better quality photos, learn the ins and outs of online selling. Every once and a while I'll post but when I do I just feel like I really don't know how to relate to anyone. I tend to expect too much of myself too quickly, this is a problem I know I have but at the same time I keep trying to force my life and everything in it to start. It feels too cliche to say I might be trying too hard but I never now how to try otherwise. Just, shouldn't I have made some progress by now? In regards to, like, everything? Dude, I need to adjust my way of thinking to not be so tense. I often feel like I'm 12 and 50 at the same time and that can't be healthy.

I'm starting to wonder what the point of this post was. To prove I'm slightly neurotic? Or just having a quarter life crisis?

Changing topic: You know what I love?

  • Walking in the rain when I have waterproof boots on and it's slightly warm outside.
  • Hiking, I don't do nearly enough of it. In fact, the last time I went hiking was nearly a year ago.
  • Digging up razor clams. I've only done it once but for some reason it was so fun to me. Using these plastic cylinder things to suck up these subterranean dwellers out of the sand. Jumping on the ground to simulate the surf hitting the beach to see if these little holes in the sand get bigger and knowing that it means you found one and though you can't see it, the clam is there. It's like a treasure hunt mixed with digging gross things out of the dirt mixed with pouncing around on the beach. I was so sore afterwards! My hands were raw from forcing the tube into the sand, my legs sore from jumping against the surf and my whole body from everything. By all rights I should have been miserable in those kind of conditions but instead I just felt giddily energized. It's the Oregon Coast I'm talking about here too so of course it was overcast, raining and slightly cold. I had rain gear and my favorite waterproof boots (RIP) so it definitely wasn't like I was soaked. It was also 6am-ish and I'm known for being a night owl but it was still so weirdly fun.
  • A bunch of things, in some ways too many.

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